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AITA for warning my ex-wife's fiance about her drinking before they got engaged?

me and Carol (52F) split eight years ago, no bad blood really, we just grew apart after Amber (29F, my daughter) moved out. Carol's been seeing a guy Mike (58M) for about two years now and they're getting married in the fall. Amber told me a few months back that Carol relapsed over the winter, she used to drink hard when we were married and got sober around year 15 of our marriage, this is the first slip since. Amber begged me not to say anything, said it wasn't my business anymore. I ran into Mike alone at Amber's place over the holidays while Carol was in the other room. He was talking about how excited he was, how Carol's the most put together woman he's ever met... something about that got under my skin. I told him he should know what he's signing up for, that she's got a drinking history and it came back recently. Didn't say it mean, just said it plain. Mike brought it up to Carol that night. She called me screaming, said I humiliated her and tried to sabotage her happiness eight years after I stopped having any say in her life. Amber's not really talking to me now either, says I broke a promise that was never mine to keep. I keep telling myself I'd want to know if it was me... but I'm sitting alone in my truck at a rest stop in Amarillo second guessing it now.

#aita#family

asked by @rogerk_drives · Aug 19, 2026 · 276 votes · 6 comments

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@garyh_brewsit

Rough one. I brew beer for fun and even I know some habits aren't a punchline. Info was fair, timing was not, man 🍺

@nina_thrifts

lowkey you should've told amber to tell him or told carol privately first, cornering the fiance was messy ngl 💀

@denise_holds_down

Eight years divorced and you're still doing recon on her love life? NTA on the info, but the delivery to the fiance alone at a party screams main character energy.

@hjennings_lawn

Man deserves to know what hes walkin into. Told plain aint the same as told mean. NTA.

@denise_holds_down

You didn't sabotage her happiness, you gave Mike an OPSEC brief on his own life. NTA, he deserved the intel.

@bianca_bridalbliss

Oh honey NO 😬 you don't blindside someone right before an engagement like that, the TIMING alone is so messy!! ESH tbh 💍

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