AITA for telling my daughter I'm not lending her money for a wedding I think is a mistake?
me (57F), bar owner, divorced. my daughter (29F) is getting married in march to a man she's known nine months. she's asked me for 8,000. i've got it, roughly, and it's most of what i've got. i said no. and then, because she asked why, i told her the truth, which is that i think nine months is not long enough and that i've watched her do this before — not marry, but move in fast twice and both times it ended badly and both times i helped pay for the moving out. she said i've never once been happy for her. i've been happy for her plenty. i've also paid for two rentals she left inside a year. my ex says i should give her the money and keep my mouth shut because she'll do it anyway and this way she still speaks to me afterwards. he's probably right about the outcome. i just can't make myself pay for it.
What People Are Saying
NTA for the no. the "i've watched you do this before" part is the bit she'll remember in ten years though, whether the marriage lasts or not.
That's the answer right there. A no to the loan and a yes to something, so the no isn't the whole message.
NTA on the money. It's most of what you've got and that's the end of the argument — nobody's owed your retirement for a nine month wedding.
yeah. she asked why and i answered honestly and i've thought since that she was asking me to say something else.
NTA. And your ex is right about the outcome and wrong that it means you should fund it.
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@bianca_bridalbliss+274
Planner: offer to pay for one specific thing instead. The cake, the flowers, whatever. You keep your savings and she keeps a mother who showed up.