Verdict In

AITA for telling my in-laws they can't visit unannounced now the baby's here?

me (31M), four month old, wife back at work, i'm on leave doing days. my in laws live twelve minutes away. they've always dropped in — that was true before the baby and it was fine, we'd have a coffee. since he was born it's been three or four times a week and it's always between 1 and 3, which is his nap, which is also the only two hours i get. i asked twice, gently, for a text first. it kept happening. in august i didn't answer the door. i was standing in the hall with a monitor in my hand and i just didn't open it. they knew i was in. my father in law texted my wife. now it's a whole thing about me shutting them out of their grandson's life and my wife is in the middle and she agrees with me and is being made to be the messenger.

#aita #parenting

asked by @dpatel_newdad · Aug 11, 2026 · 307 votes · 6 comments

Pick a side in the app

You're the A-hole Not the A-hole Everyone Sucks Here

Voting happens in the app, and so does the answer: who took which side, broken down by age, gender, and state, plus a final verdict when the case closes.

Vote & See The Split · Free

What People Are Saying

@darlenek62+283

NTA. Give them a window instead of a rule. "Wednesdays and Saturdays after four, any time" gives them more access, not less, and ends the drop-ins.

@denise_holds_down+271

Three or four times a week during the only two hours you get. That's the number to say to them. Not "text first" — the actual arithmetic of your day.

@dpatel_newdad+264

a window is much better than what i've been asking for. i've been saying text first, which is a hurdle, not an invitation.

@moniqued_nola+259

NTA on the boundary, and the not-answering was the wrong move because it made the story about the door instead of about the nap. Same ask, said out loud, wins.

@ashleyn_fit+252

NTA. And your wife shouldn't be the messenger — go and have the conversation yourself, it's your leave and your day they're walking into.

@peggy_hospicehope+247

They're not trying to take anything. They're frightened of being at arm's length from a grandchild. A fixed window answers that fear better than any rule does.

Join the argument in the app.