AIO for being upset a mom at school said my kids 'must be used to it by now'
me (34F), three kids, husband deployed, five weeks out. at pickup another mother asked how we were doing and i said the usual, we're counting down. she said, kindly, genuinely kindly, "oh they must be used to it by now." i said something polite and got in the car and then sat in the car park for about ten minutes. my 9 year old is used to it in the sense that he knows the routine. he is also the reason i know that at some point in month five he stops mentioning his dad at all, and starts again about two weeks before he lands. that's what used to it looks like. i know she meant it as a comfort. everybody means it as a comfort. i've heard some version of it maybe thirty times and this is the first time i've cried about it.
What People Are Saying
Not overreacting. And it was kindly meant, which is why you couldn't be angry at her and had to sit in a car park instead.
NOR. Thirtieth time is always the one. It's never the comment, it's that you've been holding it for thirty and this one arrived on the wrong day.
Tell his teacher about month five. Not as a complaint — so someone else is watching for it too.
NOR. People say "used to it" about anything they can't imagine surviving, because the alternative is thinking about it properly.
the thirtieth time thing is exactly right and i hadn't worked out why this one landed.
@moniqued_nola+278
Not overreacting. "He stops mentioning his dad at all in month five" — that's not adjustment, that's a child managing something and you're the only one who sees it.