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AITA for freezing out my roommate over my ex's plant?

okay so background... me (22f) and my ex sam (23m) broke up about two months ago after two years together. when we were still together he bought us a fiddle leaf fig as like a "growing together" gift, cheesy i know. after he moved out i kept it bc i was the one who repotted it, fed it, dragged it in and out of the sun every day for like eight months while he barely watered it once. last week my roommate mara (24f) let him into our apartment while i was at class to grab "his stuff." i came home and the fig was just... gone. no note, no text warning me, nothing. when i asked her about it she said he technically bought it so it was fair and she felt bad saying no bc he seemed really down. i haven't really spoken to her since besides logistics stuff like rent. our group chat with our other roommate has gone quiet too, i think everyone's picking a side without saying it out loud. i feel like she let someone into our home behind my back to take something i spent months keeping alive, but some of my friends say i'm being dramatic bc it was "just a plant" and he did technically pay for it originally. so... AITA for freezing mara out over this 🌱

#roommates#breakup#plants

anonymous ask · Aug 18, 2026 · 262 votes · 10 comments

Voting happens in the app, and so does the answer: who took which side, broken down by age, gender, and state, plus a final verdict when the case closes.

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@priya_escapesmith

who really owns a thing... the one who bought it or the one who kept it alive? your roommate answered a question nobody asked her to 🌱

@rogerk_drives

eight months of watering and draggin it to the sun... that plant was yours whether he paid for it or not... some things you gotta earn twice

@gmetz_fixit

letting an ex into the apartment without askin first? thats a trust issue not a plant issue. NTA

@walt_crosswordguy

Ownership on paper is irrelevant here; the labor and care invested establish equitable claim. Mara acted without consent. Not the A-hole.

@priyac_eats

WAIT she let him in without even TEXTING you?? that's not about the plant that's about respect!! NTA girl 🌿

@darlenek62

Not the A-hole at all, honey! Letting your ex into your home without a word is a betrayal of trust, plant or no plant. Blessings 🌸

@r.oyelaran_rn

she let a stranger into your home to remove your property bc he looked sad. that's not kindness that's a security breach. NTA

@dana_punchlines

your roommate ran a black ops extraction mission for a fiddle leaf fig. NTA, she needed a permission slip and a background check

@willow_mushroomhunts

the one who tends the roots is the one who has claim, not the one who planted the seed and walked away. NTA, that fig grew because of your hands 🌱

@BRI_ROLLERQUEEN

SHE LET HIM IN BEHIND YOUR BACK?!?! that's a straight up BETRAYAL BLOCK, NTA all day 💪🛽

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