AITA for telling my mother-in-law she can't correct my kids' table manners at my house?
me (41F), married to Andre 15 years, four kids from 8 to 19. his mother (68F) comes for dinner most weeks. she corrects them constantly. elbows, holding a fork, saying ma'am. it's not cruel, it's how she was raised and how she raised andre. my 8 year old asked me last month if grandma likes her. that's what did it. i told her, privately, in the kitchen, that at my table i handle the corrections. i said she's welcome to say something to me and i'll deal with it. she said in her house children learned respect and that she's not going to sit there and watch. andre says i should let it go because she's 68 and she won't change and it's two hours a week. two hours a week is 104 hours a year of my daughter being told she's doing it wrong by the person whose approval she wants most.
What People Are Saying
NTA. I'm a grandmother and the correction is not mine to make. If I've a concern I tell the mother in the kitchen, which is exactly what you offered her.
Give her a job. Something at the table that's hers — pouring, saying grace, whatever. People correct when they've got no other role.
NTA. And 104 hours a year is a brilliant way to put it — Andre hears "two hours" because he's not the one being corrected.
i said the 104 hours thing to Andre last night and he went quiet for a while.
NTA. She's frightened of being seen as having failed if the grandchildren aren't up to standard. That's worth knowing, and it still isn't your daughter's job to carry.
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"Does grandma like me" from an 8 year old. That's not a manners issue, that's a child doing the arithmetic on why she's the one always being spoken to.