Should I say yes to dinner with a widower from my book club, four years after losing my husband?

His name is Walter, he's 71, I'm 68, and he's been in our library book club for about a year now. Last Tuesday after we finished discussing an Ann Patchett novel he lingered by the coffee station and asked if I'd like to get dinner sometime, just the two of us, nothing fancy, maybe the Italian place on Fifth. He lost his wife three years ago to the same kind of cancer that took my husband, Richard, so there's this strange understanding between us already. I said I'd think about it and he was very kind about it, no pressure at all. Here's my trouble, dear readers. I still wear my wedding ring. I still talk to Agatha, my cat, about Richard like he's just in the other room. Some nights I feel perfectly fine and other nights I cry over something as small as finding his handwriting in an old cookbook. Part of me thinks four years is plenty of time and I'm allowed to have dinner with a nice man. Another part of me feels like I'd be starting something I can't finish, or worse, that I'd spend the whole meal comparing him to Richard and it wouldn't be fair to either of them. My daughter thinks I should go. My book club friend Carol thinks it's too soon and that I'm just lonely. I honestly don't know which one of them is right.

#shouldi#relationships#widowhood

anonymous ask · Aug 19, 2026 · 282 votes · 8 comments